Dear Kelli,
I’m desperate to start my spring cleaning organization but can’t get motivated. Any tips?
Signed,
Want to Spring into Cleaning!
Dear Want to Spring,
I applaud your desire to clean! It’s good you want to clean rather than feeling you have to clean. Sometimes wanting to clean is more motivating than mandatory cleaning. So start writing a list of why you want to clean in the first place and keep this list handy. This will remind you of your goals when you’re feeling tired or overwhelmed. Second, buy an egg timer and set it for 20 minutes (or whatever feels right to you). You can most likely do some sort of cleaning task for 20 minutes without feeling inundated. Third, tackle one room at a time. If you start organizing one section in the kitchen and then go on to something in the living room, you’ll probably feel more disorganized. So stick with one room and complete it before moving on to another. Finally, give up the idea of having the “perfect” clean house. Clean to the best of your ability, not to the notion that the President will be coming for the weekend.
All the best,
Kelli
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Dear Kelli,
I set up one of my girlfriends with a guy that my husband went to business school with. They hit it off great and were dating for several weeks when all of a sudden he called it quits. It was definitely out of the blue. She said he ended up not being very nice in the end. She is of course devastated, and I feel responsible. I’m not sure what went wrong!
Signed,
Feeling Responsible
Dear Feeling Responsible,
We’re all adults in this situation. Both parties understood that there were no guarantees either way. Just because you set the two of them up initially doesn’t mean you are responsible for the course of their relationship.
It sounds to me as if you've been taken by surprise by your husband’s friend’s behavior and wonder if you misjudged his character. That’s a possibility, but it's also possible that your husband's friend just didn't feel the chemistry with your friend. Either way, don’t worry about it. When people initiate set-ups, their only responsibility is to introduce both parties; the couple takes it from there.
Try and let it go. Just buy your friend a pint of Ben and Jerry’s.
All the best,
Kelli
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Dear Kelli,
I have a therapist I adore. She’s highly professional, except for one small thing: She brings her dog into the office. She says because she works such long days she doesn’t want the dog home by himself. I just find it distracting when I’m pouring my heart out, and the dog is wandering around or chewing a toy or playing in his bed. Can I say something to her about this?
Signed,
Chew on This!
Dear Chew on This,
Therapists do best when their clients are open and honest with them. It’s good modeling and it’s great to show you are setting boundaries. So yes, I would absolutely share your concerns with this therapist. Tell her you really like your relationship but find the dog distracting. Perhaps your therapist can have a dog walker come before your appointment or find some other alternative to keeping the dog in her office. Your comments may alert her to the perspective that having a dog present isn't so great for her practice. Either way, if she doesn’t accommodate you, I would suggest looking for a new therapist.
All the best,
Kelli
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Kelli Miller, MSW is a therapist, author, and radio personality. Miller was a featured expert for SIRIUS Satellite Radio Channel 198, the co-host for the TV show Love and Money: The Advice Show, and the advice columnist for Playboy U, and the author of Professor Kelli’s Guide to Finding a Husband. Ask Kelli is published on All Life is Local and the Cleveland Park Listserv on Wednesdays.
