by Rachel Kurzius
Dear Rachel,
I work in an office of 20 people. There is an open
position for a job on my team, and I have mentioned it to friends because I
complained about the extra work I’ve been doing as my boss is trying to fill
the position.
One of my friends contacted me and asked if I would put
in a good word for her. She is more of a “Friday” friend, and she is always
late and not the most intelligent. I do not want to go out on a limb for her. I
don’t know how to tell her this and she keeps pestering me.
What should I do?
Can’t Get It to Work Out
Dear Can’t Get It to Work Out,
The funny thing about “Friday” friends is that if you
only see them on Fridays, you’re likely to see them in situations where they
don’t seem like the most reliable employees. Even though your friend might not
be the sharpest or most punctual tool in the shed, she’s got one thing right --
an inside referral could really help her get a job.
Listen to this, from an article in The New York Times
this week: “Referred candidates are twice as likely to land an interview as
other applicants, according to a new study of one large company by three
economists from the Federal Reserve Bank of New York. For those who make it to
the interview stage, the referred candidates had a 40 percent better chance of
being hired than other applicants.” (Full article here: http://nyti.ms/Td8dzB)
Just because she’s heard the phrase, “It’s not what you
know, it’s who you know,” doesn’t mean you want her on your team, though.
Clearly, you feel the opposite. Your judgmental attitude made me wonder whether
she is truly as unqualified as you make it seem. Perhaps you fear that bringing
a “Friday” friend into your work environment will merge your worlds in a way
that makes you feel uncomfortable.
Rethink that notion. Times are tough out there for job
applicants, and a bit of good karma could ultimately help you in a big way down
the road. Do unto others, and all that.
If you’ve thought deep and hard about why you’re so
averse to her coming on board and it truly, absolutely has to do with her lack
of intelligence and gutter-level work ethic, then you’ve got a couple of
options.
First, you could lie. I bet this is tempting. You could
tell your friend to submit her resume through the regular channels, with the
(broken) promise you’ll pass along some kind words to your boss. Lying has the
benefit of preserving your Friday friendship without putting your neck out in
any way.
But what if she ends up getting the job without your
help? Your whole knotted yarn of lies could untangle itself with a simple tug,
and you’ll have ruined your relationship with your now-colleague. It’s pretty
much the rapscallion thing to do, but it has the benefit of avoiding conflict.
Often, people will do just about anything to dance around
an issue instead of confronting it.
It would be better to be honest, though treat the whole
situation with more tact than you employed in your letter to me. The next time
she inquires about the opening, you could tell her that your company is looking
for a candidate who has very certain skills. List those skills, so long as they
are truthful. This could scare her away from the position.
However, she might counter with examples of how she has
gained those skills. Keep your ears open for this conversation, instead of just
nodding your head and ignoring her entreaties. You never know if she’s more
qualified than you suspected.
The bottom line is this -- do not actively get in the way
of her getting hired, even if you choose not to stick your neck out on her
behalf. You need help with all that extra work you’ve been doing anyway.
And perhaps this will make you think again before you
choose to complain on a Friday night. You never know when people will find
opportunity in your whines.
All the best,
Rachel
___
Rachel Kurzius revels in giving advice, and has provided
counsel both as a columnist and a friend. She lives in Washington DC, where she
works as a news producer. Real Talk with Rachel is published on All Life is
Local and the Cleveland Park Listserv, www.cleveland-park.com,
on Wednesdays. Need advice? You can write to Rachel via http://bit.ly/realtalkwithrachel or
(advice @
fastmail.net) or via www.cleveland-park.com.
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