Dear Kelli,
I’m having a lot of trouble falling asleep at night these days. I’m really worrying a lot. I don’t want to take prescription meds or herbal stuff. Can you just give me one or two therapist-y recommendations on how to get more rest?
Thanks,
Sleepy Girl
Dear Sleepy Girl,
My first recommendation would be to write all your worries before you go to bed and the actions you can do to help solve them. For example:
Worry: I’m nervous about my presentation for work.
Action: I can spend tomorrow morning writing notes, I can do a mock trial of the presentation beforehand, I can get advice from my colleagues.
Write down all your worries, big or small. It will help to write an action plan so you can feel productive and constructive.
Second, take some time to wind down before you hit the sack. Unfortunately we’re not machines and can’t just turn off when we hit the pillow. So spend twenty minutes writing your worry list, then I’d suggest spending another twenty minutes reading quietly, taking a bath, or doing some deep breathing.
Finally, watch any caffeine after 2 pm and no exercising within four hours of bedtime. Both can keep you up at night!
All the best,
Kelli
---
Dear Kelli,
Whenever I have a decision, no matter what it is, I’m totally paralyzed. It could be something small like buying a sweater (red or blue?) or big, like taking a new job (is it the right one for me?). I am going crazy! What is the problem?
Signed,
Frozen with Indecision
Dear Frozen with Indecision,
It sounds like you’re putting a whole lot of pressure on yourself to make the perfect decision. Well, let me help me. There is no perfect decision! Every decision is going to have both advantages and disadvantages, no matter what. So relieve yourself in knowing that there isn’t going to be an absolute “right” decision. And that with whichever decision you choose, you may feel both joy and regret. That’s natural. The key is to make the decision and stick with it. That doesn’t mean you can’t change your mind, but be okay with the decision you choose. And remember this decision won’t be your last and it’s also not the most important one in the world. We can put a lot of pressure on any decision (your sweater example is a good one) but it helps to put it in perspective and realize the world isn’t going to end if you chose the “wrong” color sweater. It also helps to think, “What is the worst thing that can happen if I choose the wrong sweater?” You will see, not a whole lot. You can simply go back and return it later, if need be.
And as far as the job: What is the worst thing that can happen if you choose it and it isn’t right? You can stay for a while and eventually move on or tell your boss you made a mistake. Nothing is permanent!
I’m a big believer in listening to my gut when it comes to decisions. For example, what does your gut say about the job you are deciding about? Do you feel calm when you think about this job or do you feel a sense of uneasiness? It helps to get quiet and listen to your body.
All the best,
Kelli
---
Dear Kelli,
What about your thoughts about "bucket lists"?
Thanks,
Want to Do It All Before…
Dear Want to Do It All Before…
If by "bucket list" you mean making a list of all the things you want to do before you die, I believe it’s a great idea! It’s similar to any goal list you create. When you write it down it’s almost as if you become accountable. Most people who create goal lists follow them more easily because they have written it down. To me, making a list of things I want to do in life before I die would be tons of fun. The list would be inspiring and give you a lot to look forward to. Let me know if you need ideas. I have plenty!
All the best,
Kelli
----------------------------------
Kelli Miller, MSW is a therapist, author, and radio personality. Miller was a featured expert for SIRIUS Satellite Radio Channel 198, the co-host for the TV show Love and Money: The Advice Show, and the advice columnist for Playboy U, and the author of Professor Kelli’s Guide to Finding a Husband. Ask Kelli is published on All Life is Local and the Cleveland Park Listserv on Wednesdays.
Kelli welcomes your comments below. Have a question? You can write to Kelli at advice (at) fastmail (dot) net or via Twitter @askkelli.Your name and email address will be kept confidential.
No comments:
Post a Comment