Dear Kelli,
My sister is embarking on a new career. I’m happy for her because she hated her previous job, but I honestly don’t feel she’s talented enough for her newest potential career choice. Do I tell her? Or let her figure it out on her own?
Signed,
Should I Be Honest?
Dear Should I Be Honest,
It’s nice that you are looking out for your sister but let me ask you: How do you know she’s not talented enough for her new career? Is this your opinion or fact? I’m all for letting her see for herself how things work out. Even if she’s applying for something with a specific set of criteria (a NASA astronaut, the WMBA, etc.), give her the opportunity to experiment without raining on her parade. You never know. Perhaps even if you don’t feel she’s talented enough, her employer might. Or maybe she’ll be a good fit for another job within the field.
Could you imagine how she'd feel if you shot down her confidence and she never got the chance to apply for her dream job? Don’t try to make the decision for her -- let her do it on her own.
All the best,
Kelli
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Dear Kelli,
I hired a company to do some remodeling. My business partner knows a guy who was able to do the electrical part of the project, while the company I hired was to do construction. Long story short: There are now holes in my wall left unpatched. Neither contractor admits to making the holes. I’m inclined to say it was the building contractor because they have more access to the tools, but when they were here I didn’t see anything happen. I’m so frustrated because I don’t know whom to hold accountable. What can I do?
Signed,
Hole-y Situation
Dear Hole-y Situation,
I’ve learned it’s dangerous to hire two contractors on the same job, even if they are doing different aspects of the work, because of exactly what happened in your case: No one wants to take responsibility. It reminds me of police officers vs. the FBI. They may overlap in each other’s business but they can sometimes remain territorial. So before I help you with your current situation, just know for future it's usually best to hire one contractor at a time for your project. This way you can keep tabs on each aspect of the project and knows who is responsible for what.
Have you spoken to the supervisors of each of the parties? It may be wise to gather information and outline exactly what each contractor did the past few days. You may be able to discern who left the holes unpatched by establishing a timeline. If not, perhaps you could try to have them split the difference. For example, if there are four holes, you could try and see if each contractor would patch two holes each?
If they both refuse, unfortunately, you may just have to eat this one. Try to patch the holes yourself (if you can) or ask each contractor what they would charge to patch the remaining holes and go with the one with the lowest offer. I’m sorry. I can imagine this situation is really frustrating.
All the best,
Kelli
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Dear Kelli,
I have a girlfriend who is extremely picky about where we eat. It’s very annoying. I feel like I can never suggest a place because she always picks a place she wants. How can I politely go where I want to go next time?
Signed,
Want to Eat What I Like!
If they both refuse, unfortunately, you may just have to eat this one. Try to patch the holes yourself (if you can) or ask each contractor what they would charge to patch the remaining holes and go with the one with the lowest offer. I’m sorry. I can imagine this situation is really frustrating.
All the best,
Kelli
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Dear Kelli,
I have a girlfriend who is extremely picky about where we eat. It’s very annoying. I feel like I can never suggest a place because she always picks a place she wants. How can I politely go where I want to go next time?
Signed,
Want to Eat What I Like!
Dear Want to Eat What I Like,
It’s called "your turn to be assertive". It sounds like you’ve been the doormat for your friend all these years and you’re finally realizing you have a right to be heard, too. Good for you. So I’d be the first to make plans next time and try something like this. “Hey Beth, I wanted to know if you could do lunch on the 28th? Oh, you can? Okay, great. I was thinking since you’ve chosen the lunch place the last few times I thought it’d be fair if I had a turn. So let’s meet at the Mexican place on U Street at 1:00 pm.” Don’t ask her if Mexican is okay, just state it. If she gives you an argument, I’d suggest seeing your friend at some time other than a meal time: e.g., talking a walk, going to the mall).
All the best,
Kelli
It’s called "your turn to be assertive". It sounds like you’ve been the doormat for your friend all these years and you’re finally realizing you have a right to be heard, too. Good for you. So I’d be the first to make plans next time and try something like this. “Hey Beth, I wanted to know if you could do lunch on the 28th? Oh, you can? Okay, great. I was thinking since you’ve chosen the lunch place the last few times I thought it’d be fair if I had a turn. So let’s meet at the Mexican place on U Street at 1:00 pm.” Don’t ask her if Mexican is okay, just state it. If she gives you an argument, I’d suggest seeing your friend at some time other than a meal time: e.g., talking a walk, going to the mall).
All the best,
Kelli
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Kelli Miller, MSW is a therapist, author, and radio personality. Miller was a featured expert for SIRIUS Satellite Radio Channel 198, the co-host for the TV show Love and Money: The Advice Show, and the advice columnist for Playboy U, and the author of Professor Kelli’s Guide to Finding a Husband. Ask Kelli is published on All Life is Local and the Cleveland Park Listserv on Wednesdays.
Kelli welcomes your comments below. Have a question? You can write to Kelli at advice (at) fastmail (dot) net or via Twitter @askkelli.Your name and email address will be kept confidential.
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