Ask Kelli: Improving Relations with Niece, with Brother, and with Other Contacts

by Kelli Miller

Dear Kelli,

My seven-year-old niece behaves like she’s three. Her mom and dad don’t discipline her at all. The problem is that it’s starting to affect me because I’m dreading seeing her. It’s too much to handle. Help!

Signed,
Pressured Aunt


Dear Pressured Aunt,

I understand your concern. I’m sure you love your niece but her behavior is a lot to handle. There is a great rule I like to go by: "My house, my rules."  So when your niece comes to your house (which is where you want most of your get-togethers to take place), she follows your rules. That means no jumping on the couch, no pulling the cat’s tail, no misbehavior of any kind. You can choose to see your niece at times outside your house but you should expect her behavior to be what it's been before. I believe discipline is a job for her parents when it’s outside your zone.

All the best,
Kelli

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Dear Kelli,

My brother and I are not close at all. We didn’t have a falling-out or anything like that -- it’s just that we’re very different people. I’d like to be close but would feel funny about suddenly trying to bridge the gap. Any suggestions on how to go about it?

Signed,
Trying to Be a Good Sibling


Dear Trying to Be a Good Sibling,

Good for you for trying to better your relationship. It’s never too late -- that’s what a lot of people don’t realize. In my opinion, the best approach would be an honest one. If your brother lives nearby, I’d suggest arranging a face-to-face meeting. If that’s not possible, by phone is the next best option. I’d say something along these lines: “I really like you, Brother, and I know we haven’t been super close but I’d like to change that. It’s important to me to have a closer relationship with you.Would you want to get together/talk more often?”

All the best,
Kelli

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Dear Kelli,

If a person doesn’t get back to you, how many times can you call them back before you’re labeled as annoying?

Signed,
Don’t Want to be Annoying


Dear Don’t Want to be Annoying,

My rule of thumb is two calls and one other form of communication (email or text). If after that the person hasn’t responded, it’s time to move on.

All the best,
Kelli

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Kelli Miller, MSW is a therapist, author, and radio personality. Miller was a featured expert for SIRIUS Satellite Radio Channel 198, the co-host for the TV show Love and Money: The Advice Show, and the advice columnist for Playboy U, and the author of Professor Kelli’s Guide to Finding a Husband. Ask Kelli is published on All Life is Local and the Cleveland Park Listserv on Wednesdays.

Kelli welcomes your comments below.  Have a question? You can write to Kelli at advice (at) fastmail (dot) net or via Twitter @askkelli.Your name and email address will be kept confidential.