Dear Kelli,
I’ve recently gotten into meditation and really feel the benefits. I want my husband to try it as well but he already said no twice when I asked him if he’s interested. I think I know my husband well and believe that he'll really take to it once he learns the technique. How can I get him to do it?
Signed,
Hoping He’ll Meditate
Dear Hoping,
The gift of meditation starts when the idea becomes your own. Not that someone can’t suggest trying meditation but the true gift, in my opinion, comes when the person is ready on his/her own. Let your husband find his own gift, if it’s in the cards for him.
You may be able, however, to get him interested without even trying. The best way? By showing (authentically) how much you’re getting out of it. Don’t brag or talk about it, or else he’ll be turned off. But in subtle ways show him how you’re calmer in certain situations or less stressed, and he may just become curious. And then “on his own” he may ask about it. Until then it’s best to stay out of it.
Just because he said no now doesn’t necessary mean he’ll never be interested. But it does mean, “stop bringing it up for now.” So lay back and focus on you for a bit. The good news? You’re getting a lot out of your practice!
All the best,
Kelli
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Dear Kelli,
My brother has an amazing girlfriend. He’s been out with several girls in the past and this one is really the winner. I can tell this girl really loves him and wants to spend her life with him, but he recently told me he has no intention of ever marrying her. Is it horrible if I tell her? I don’t think it’s fair for her to waste any more time with my brother if it’s not going anywhere.
Signed,
Understand How She Feels
Dear Understand How She Feels,
You’re going to hate me but I’m going to say it: Stay out of your brother’s relationship. This is his life, his girlfriend, and his problem. I understand your concern and I empathize. And it sounds like this is something close to your heart (maybe you’ve been in this situation before?), but this is something your brother needs to discuss with his girlfriend; it's out of your control. It may take a while but I’m sure the conversation will eventually come up.
You can have a talk privately with your brother about your concerns, but I wouldn’t recommend stepping into the middle of their relationship.
All the best,
Kelli
---
Dear Kelli,
Is it rude for me to tell people what I actually want for my birthday if they ask? I always feel strange being honest.
Signed,
Bloomingdales Gift Card
Dear Bloomingdales Gift Card,
No, I don’t believe it’s rude if you say what you want, if you do it in the right way. How about something like this: “That so sweet, thanks so much for asking. I always find it hard to buy gifts for people, so I’m happy to make it easier for you. A gift card from Bloomingdales always makes me happy!”
All the best,
Kelli
The gift of meditation starts when the idea becomes your own. Not that someone can’t suggest trying meditation but the true gift, in my opinion, comes when the person is ready on his/her own. Let your husband find his own gift, if it’s in the cards for him.
You may be able, however, to get him interested without even trying. The best way? By showing (authentically) how much you’re getting out of it. Don’t brag or talk about it, or else he’ll be turned off. But in subtle ways show him how you’re calmer in certain situations or less stressed, and he may just become curious. And then “on his own” he may ask about it. Until then it’s best to stay out of it.
Just because he said no now doesn’t necessary mean he’ll never be interested. But it does mean, “stop bringing it up for now.” So lay back and focus on you for a bit. The good news? You’re getting a lot out of your practice!
All the best,
Kelli
---
Dear Kelli,
My brother has an amazing girlfriend. He’s been out with several girls in the past and this one is really the winner. I can tell this girl really loves him and wants to spend her life with him, but he recently told me he has no intention of ever marrying her. Is it horrible if I tell her? I don’t think it’s fair for her to waste any more time with my brother if it’s not going anywhere.
Signed,
Understand How She Feels
Dear Understand How She Feels,
You’re going to hate me but I’m going to say it: Stay out of your brother’s relationship. This is his life, his girlfriend, and his problem. I understand your concern and I empathize. And it sounds like this is something close to your heart (maybe you’ve been in this situation before?), but this is something your brother needs to discuss with his girlfriend; it's out of your control. It may take a while but I’m sure the conversation will eventually come up.
You can have a talk privately with your brother about your concerns, but I wouldn’t recommend stepping into the middle of their relationship.
All the best,
Kelli
---
Dear Kelli,
Is it rude for me to tell people what I actually want for my birthday if they ask? I always feel strange being honest.
Signed,
Bloomingdales Gift Card
Dear Bloomingdales Gift Card,
No, I don’t believe it’s rude if you say what you want, if you do it in the right way. How about something like this: “That so sweet, thanks so much for asking. I always find it hard to buy gifts for people, so I’m happy to make it easier for you. A gift card from Bloomingdales always makes me happy!”
All the best,
Kelli
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Kelli Miller, MSW is a therapist, author, and radio personality. Miller was a featured expert for SIRIUS Satellite Radio Channel 198, the co-host for the TV show Love and Money: The Advice Show, and the advice columnist for Playboy U, and the author of Professor Kelli’s Guide to Finding a Husband. Ask Kelli is published on All Life is Local and the Cleveland Park Listserv on Wednesdays.
Kelli welcomes your comments below. Have a question? You can write to Kelli at advice (at) fastmail (dot) net or via Twitter @askkelli.Your name and email address will be kept confidential.
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