Dear Kelli,
I’m going to my sister’s house for Thanksgiving. It looks like all my family will be there and it’s the perfect spot because it’s in between our family homes. (I live in DC, my brother lives in Boston, and my sister lives in Pennsylvania.) My only problem with this arrangement is that my sister’s cooking sucks. I’m not trying to be mean but I’m dead serious. I honestly don’t know if I can stomach a full meal from her. I’ve offered to bring stuff and she declined. Now I feel stuck. Any ideas?
Signed,
Spitting Food in My Napkin
Dear Spitting Food,
First, try to remember this holiday isn’t about the food, it’s about the people. Sometimes we can focus so much on the turkey and the sides, we forget about what this holiday really means and the importance of spending it with our loved ones.
Second, I would suggest eating something before you go. This way you won’t feel forced to eat food you really don’t like out of hunger. You’re not going in on an empty stomach.
Third, I’d say go ahead and bring a few dishes of your own to share with the group. Perhaps your sister was trying to be polite when she declined your request. I don’t think it’s offensive or rude to bring a few dishes to a family meal. That way, if worst comes to worst, you have something you can eat.
All the best,
Kelli
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Dear Kelli,
I have a friend who appears very altruistic. She volunteers in soup kitchens and at organizations for the homeless, she has trained a therapy dog, and so on. But the thing that bugs me is how she is always talking about how much she volunteers and how often she's doing so. When you do something nice for others, isn't it contradictory to the spirit of service to go around telling everyone you’re doing it? It makes me think she's doing it mainly because of the attention she receives and how great and nice people will think she is. Do I tell her that it doesn’t reflect well on her to spend so much time bragging about her volunteer work?
Signed,
Doubting the Altruism
Dear Doubting,
However annoying you find her volunteer chattiness, the bottom line is that your friend is out doing something that is helping others. Yes, it comes with this little downside, but I’m wondering if that’s her way of feeling accomplished and special. I don’t know anything else about your friend -- whether she has a family or a good job -- but it sounds to me as if volunteering is her “baby,” something she is very proud of. Try to see it in that light and you may be able to empathize. Maybe she’s trying to feel special because she isn’t getting accolades in other areas of her life. So no, I wouldn't criticize her for talking so much about her volunteer work; I would let her enjoy that special feeling it gives her.
All the best,
Kelli
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Dear Kelli,
I’m a Republican, my husband a Democrat. At first it was cute that we’d have our heated debates. It was almost sexy. Now I just find it frustrating. How do we get past this?
Signed,
Elephant vs. Ass
Dear Elephant,
It’s simple: You make a rule that you don’t talk about politics. It’s as easy as that. You could even create a donkey & elephant jar. If one of you tries to set off a political argument argument, the other person gets $5 and it’s placed in the jar. You keep tabs. By the end of the month, the person who did the least to start arguments gets all the money. That would be the democratic thing to do (kidding).
All the best,
Kelli
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Kelli Miller, MSW is a therapist, author, and radio personality. Miller was a featured expert for SIRIUS Satellite Radio Channel 198, the co-host for the TV show Love and Money: The Advice Show, and the advice columnist for Playboy U, and the author of Professor Kelli’s Guide to Finding a Husband. Ask Kelli is published on All Life is Local and the Cleveland Park Listserv on Wednesdays.
Kelli welcomes your comments below. Have a question? You can write to Kelli at advice (at) fastmail (dot) net or via Twitter @askkelli.Your name and email address will be kept confidential.
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