Still Life with Robin: Hiya, Heather, How's the Weather?

by Peggy Robin

 

For a dozen years, the Weather Channel (TWC) has been assigning names to winter storms. And for a dozen years, I have been making fun of TWC for the dopey names they choose. (My first column on this subject in the winter of 2012 was "A Winter Storm Named Boo-Boo?" I'm not about to stop now. 

 

Let me start off this year's mockery-fest with a swipe at the name assigned to the winter storm that a few days ago dumped about five inches of snow on us: It's Winter Storm Heather. That's right, heather, the lovely purple flower that blooms in midsummer all over Scottish moors and meadows. What is it about Heather that makes it a good name for a winter storm? I dinna ken, laddie!

 

Now let me take on the rest of this year's crop of silly Winter Storm names, starting with the next named storm in TWC's alphabetical list, Indigo, and when we're done through Z for Zyler, I'll turn around and start back at A for Archer and go through G for Gerri. For each name on the list, I will say something about its meaning and/or origins, make a comment (most likely snarky, with a few approving nods where appropriate), and then assign each name a letter grade. Then I will take the average of all 26 grades and report TWC's grade point average for the winter term. If you want to see how they scored last year for comparison, go to: https://alllifeislocal.blogspot.com/2023/02/still-life-with-robin-stormy-names-of.html.

Heather. Already defined it as a midsummer flower, blooming half a year apart from any thoughts 

of winter storms. Grade F.

Indigo. A color in the rainbow -- a deep purplish blue - which calls to my mind the Duke Ellington jazz classic, Mood Indigo --very cool, but by no means cold, and certainly not stormy. Grade C.

Jarvis. Comes from the Norman French Gervais, meaning spear-carrier. The military origin of the name makes it fitting for the frontal assault of a winter storm. So this one earns an A.

Kayden. According to the baby-naming webpage at TheBump.com, Kayden is possibly derived from the Old English Cade, meaning "young," "gentle," or "round." Anyone see anything wintry or stormy in that? Grade D-.

Lorraine. Wikipedia tells us the name comes from the Lorraine region of France, but I'm thinking its quick-association image in the minds of most Americans is with the hearty, cheesy pie, quiche Lorraine. Wouldn't you like to be having a nice slice of quiche Lorraine served to you at a sunny sidewalk cafe in Paris in the springtime? I know I would! Grade C-

Miguel. The Spanish form of Michael is one of the most popular boy's names in the world. It's first used in the Bible as the name of the Archangel Michael, portrayed as the champion of justice, healer of the sick, and the leader of the Heavenly Host. This is a figure of goodness and light, opposed to the dark, Satanic forces of evil. Grade D.
Noor. Means "light" or "brightness" in Arabic. Probably the most famous person named Noor is Queen Noor of Jordan, the former Lisa Halaby, who grew up in New Jersey and lived in New York City before she married King Hussein and moved into his royal palace in Jordan. Hearing any wintry blasts in any of this? Me neither. Grade D.

Orzelle. When I typed this name into Google search, it asked, "Did you mean Rozelle?" Orzelle seems to be a name made up by The Weather Channel, based on absolutely nothing. My best guess is that someone was thinking of orzo pasta. That doesn't help, does it? Grade F.

Preston. A name of Old English origin meaning "priest's town." That calls to mind a medieval English village with a small stone church or maybe a monastery on a lonely island where the friars tend their gardens in peace (at least until the Vikings show up and the movie turns bloody!) Maybe you can draw some stormy associations from that train of thought (?). Grade B-

Qadir. Wikipedia tells me that Qadir was a legendary cricketeer from Pakistan, who "appeared in 67 Tests and 104 One Day International (ODI) matches between 1977 and 1993, and captained the Pakistan cricket team in five ODIs. In Test cricket, his best performance for a series was 30 wickets for 437 runs, in three Test matches at home, against England in 1987.....[and] was inducted into the ICC Hall of Fame." Is there a single word in this write-up that makes you think about winter storms? Grade D.

Ronnie. Most associated, I would guess, with the younger of the two sons of Ronald Reagan -- you know, the one who was a professional dancer - slim, light on his feet.....but friendly and genial like his father - not exactly a stormy personality Grade C-.

Sawyer. Of course the first thing that springs to mind is the mischievous, fictional Tom Sawyer, who got into all kinds of scrapes and hijinks in the antebellum south. Can't see the snowstorm connection anywhere. Grade D.

Tormund. A Scandinavian name meaning "Thor's protection." Finally, a name fitting for a winter storm! Grade A.

Unitas. If you know your football history, you will immediately be thinking of Johnny Unitas, one of the all-time greats of the game. If you think of football as a tumultuous, even violent game, then a player's last name is fitting enough for a winter storm, I suppose. But it's not really a first name, is it? Grade B-.

Victoria. The great queen of England who ruled over an empire on which the sun never set, from the polar climes of Hudson's Bay to the tropical breezes of the Cook Islands in the South Pacific. As the Queen left her name all over the map --even lent it to an entire era-- it didn't take me long to find a town named for her on the stormy coast of Newfoundland. So why not give the old girl a winter storm in her honor? Grade A.

Winton. Winton?? What happened to the middle "S"? Nothing wrong with a winter storm named Winston (as in Churchill) but if it's really "Winton," the only one who comes to mind is the jazz great Wynton Marsalis -- but that's "Wynton" with a Y. Now that I think of it, there is a storm of controversy that surrounds Wynton Marsalis, stirred up by his stance against using electronic instruments in jazz (he favors only the traditional jazz instruments) and his harsh critique of both rap and hip hop music (he said rap is "hormone driven pop music"... and hip hop "reinforces destructive behavior at home and influences the world's view of the Afro American in a decidedly negative direction." (Quoted in Wikipedia https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wynton_Marsalis). This is more of a tempest at Lincoln Center than a real winter storm, so the name gets a middling Grade C.

Xenops. Had never seen this name before, I looked it up and found it refers to small bird, also called the South American tree-creeper, whose range is Mexico to southern Brazil. Any snow in that area? I think not. Really, don't those people at TWC do any research before they pick these names? Grade D-.

Yoshino. As anyone who's ever visited the Tidal Basin in springtime would know, the Yoshino is the most popular of the flowering cherry trees, with delicate white-to-pink blossoms that pop out around the the start of spring. So this one's even less storm-like than Heather! Grade F.

Zyler. Hey, Weather Channel peeps! There are plenty of real Z names...no need to make something up from scratch! Grade F.

 

Having finished the alphabet, let's go back and take potshots at the winter storm names from A to G:

 

Archer. Means someone who does archery (duh!) It's a sport in the summer Olympics, not the winter Olympics. Grade C.

Bryson. Who could that be but the popular travel writer, Bill Bryson. I loved his book "In a Sunburned Country." Probably has written a dozen or more other books, bestsellers all, on a variety of quirky topics. Very funny writer! Stormy? Not so much. Grade D.

Cait. A nickname for Caitlin, the Irish form of Katherine, which comes from the Greek word for pure. There are so many Caits, Caitlins, Kates, and a zillion other variants that you can get any number of word-associations from this name, and some of them may evoke winter storms, I suppose. Grade C.

Donovan. Yes, it's cute boy folk-rock singer from the 60s and early 70s. Remember Mellow Yellow? Jennifer Juniper? Catch the Wind? He's groovy....but stormy? Not so much. Grade F.

Ember. You know what an ember is? It's the glowing red-hot coal left over as a fire goes out. But it's still hot as hell! Grade D.

Finn. This one's the best of the bunch. It means, of course, from "Finland" - a country of ice and snow by the blizzard-ful. Grade A.

Gerri. A nickname for Geraldine. Who's Geraldine? It's either the comedian Flip Wilson in a dress (See https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=awIweZeDeBU), or it's the female persona that Jack Lemmon initially took on when he played a saxophonist who disguised himself as a woman when on the run from gangsters in the movie "Some Like It Hot!" (He later decided to become Daphne.) That's hot -- not cold and snowy! Grade F.

GPA averages out to 1.5, halfway between a D+ and a C-, but let's be generous and round up slightly to give them a C- for the winter term. Maybe they'll do better next year....

 

On such a winter's day, I'd like to leave you with a warm and lovely song...So here's to The Heather on the Hill: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xdaayg-xUtA 

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Still Life with Robin is posted on the Cleveland Park Listserv and on All Life Is Local on Saturdays....and on a snow day, it could be delayed until Sunday.