by Peggy Robin
First, the worst: What do you do when you haven't ordered anything but a package arrives on your doorstep, showing your street and house number but is addressed to someone you never heard of? I don't know about you, but here's what I did. The package was one of those easy-open cardboard envelopes, so I zipped it open for a quick peek inside, and saw two small items: a small copper pipe -- possibly some sort of plumbing piece? -- and another mystery piece, this one in white plastic. Both seemed to me to be something a person would order to do a specific, small plumbing repair. But that person was not me.
Wanting to do the right thing and get the package bacl to the person who needed it to fix something, I went to the internet and tried to find the person named as the addressee. It wasn't a common name -- and I'm pretty good at google searching -- but a couple different google search parameters failed to turn up anyone with the odd name in my zip code -- or living anywhere in Washington DC. for that matter.
So it seemed that the best solution was to send the package back where it came from and let the sender contact the buyer and fix the mistake in the address. I knew that Amazon had a package return center on the second floor of Tenleytown Whole Foods. I'd used it several times before. If you've ordered something that turns out to be wrong for you, you just go into your order history and get a return authorization. Then you drop the return item off at the Amazon return center. It's quick and convenient, and you can pick up some specialty grocery items while you're there.
Of course, I did not have and could not get an Amazon return authorization for an item I had not ordered. But I wasn't worried about that. It was in an Amazon package and it was someone else's order, and by bringing it back, I was helping Amazon correct what was either their mistake or the seller's mistake -- which should be good for their business...or so I assumed.
Not so fast. When I arrived at the Amazon return center, the first thing the Amazon clerk said was "Return code?" I explained I was returning something that Amazon had delivered to me by mistake and therefore I did not have a code.
"Well, without a code we can't accept it," said the clerk. "You can keep it."
"It's someone's plumbing parts," I explained. "It's no use to me but someone else has probably got a leaky something-or-other.. You must have contact information for the buyer and can ask them for the right address"
The clerk simply repeated the company mantra: No return code, no return. And then seeing the irritation on my face, she added, "You can take it home and throw it away if you don't want it."
I said (trying hard not to be snippy): "I'm not taking home an Amazon package that does not belong to me. If you don't want to resend it to the person who ordered it, YOU throw it away." And with that, I put the package on the desk and walked out.
Second return story -- the not-the-worst but not-the-best return: This one was for a LandsEnd item. I had a $5.00 credit from a LandsEnd swimsuit I'd ordered some years ago, and it was time for a new swimsuit. I went to LandsEnd.com and had no trouble finding one I liked in the same size as the previous one from LandsEnd, which after many good years of swimming in chlorinated pools, had stretched and faded too much to be wearable.
The new swimsuit arrived in a few days. I kept all the packaging and kept all the tags on, as well as the paper protection in the crotch, and tried it on. Too small! Well, I'll just send it back for the same one in the next size up. That's how online ordering works these days, I figured. Everyone offers free returns....don't they?
I guess most of them do, but not Lands End. I wish I'd checked the return policy before ordering. If you want to send something back and it's not their sending error, you pay a $9 return postage fee. The only way to return something without paying the return postage is to bring it to a Lands End store for an in-person return.
So that's what I did. I drove out to the nearest LandsEnd store -- that's the one at Congressional Plaza in Rockville -- with the swimsuit back in its plastic bag, all tags still on, totally unused, back in its original LandsEnd outer envelope, thinking I'd just do an even exchange for the same swimsuit but one size larger. But they didn't have it. However, they did have a fair selection of other swimsuits, and after a few try-ons, I settled on one that fit well and looked nice. And it was $5.00 cheaper than the one I was returning.
So now I have a LandsEnd swimsuit I like, that I've already worn in the pool and have found comfortable. And I have a $5.00 credit to use for some other LandsEnd order at some point in the future. So why wasnt' that an entirely satisfactory return experience? Because I'm so spoiled by clothing return policies from other sellers that let you send back an item for any reason at all -- no return fee, I'm reluctant to do another LandsEnd order and use my $5.00 credit. If I don't like what arrives, I don't want to run all the way out to Rockville to return the item for free. What if I end up with ANOTHER $5.00 credit? Then who knows how long I might be stuck in this LandsEnd buying loop!
(Yes, I know what you're thinking...."First World problems!" But if we simply accepted all our First World problems without complaint, we'd never solve any of them, would we? Not everything needs to reach crisis level you can talk about how things could be improved!)
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Still Life with Robin is posted on the Cleveland Park Listserv and on All Life Is Local on Saturdays.
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