Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Ask Kelli: Need to Meet New People

Kelli Miller writes the Cleveland Park Listserv's Advice Column, Ask Kelli. Questions can be posted here, via the Ask Kelli Facebook group, or on Twitter @askkelli. Your name and email address will be kept confidential. 
Dear Kelli,
I'm lonesome for the first time in my life. My kids are grown and live far away and my finances are limited. I work full time and am busy but would like to have a bit more fun. I'm looking to find some new people in my life. Suggestions? Groups you know of? I like to walk and play tennis, food, wine, fine art and craft.
Lonely in Cleveland Park

Dear Lonely,
First of all, I congratulate you on noticing your discomfort and wanting to make a positive change around it! I think it completely understandable you'd want to add some more action into your life considering your kids are gone and you're busy with work. It's extremely important to have outside interests with others. Not only will it keep you balanced but studies have shown social interaction leads to a longer, healthier life.

My first suggestion would be to sign up at www.meetup.com. Meetup.com is a website designed to get groups of like-minded people who similar interests together. I've looked for you and found a group for all the interests you described: walking, tennis, food, wine, fine art, and craft. The best news? All of these groups are within a few miles of Washington, DC. Second, I would go to your local tennis courts and/or community center and put up a posting for finding a tennis partner or walking buddy. Third, spread the word to everyone you know about your interests. Tell neighbors, friends, landlords, etc. Who knows who can connect you to people who are looking for the same things as you. Maybe your neighbor just heard about someone wanting to throw a potluck dinner and could put you two in touch? Or what if you told your cousin about a wine tasting you wanted to attend and she heard of a few people going? You never know the connections that could take place. Fourth, to satisfy that Martha Stewart side of you, Michael's (the craft store) has excellent classes where you can meet people and participate in all sorts of art activities. You can find out more information here: http://www.michaels.com . Finally, why not hold a get together at your place? Invite friends that you know and request that they bring a friend you haven't met. You get the best of both worlds: friends you already know and the chance to meet others you don't.

Good luck!

All the Best, 


Dear Kelli,

I'm single and my neighbor's recently divorced. Recently I've become attracted to her. I'm not sure that she's marrying potential, but I'd like to date her, and, well, be intimate with her. I'm worried, however, that if and when (and probably when) we break up, it will cause bad neighbor relations. Any advice?


Dear Neighbor, 

Oh boy. You've already started with "when we break up?" Never a good sign, my friend. It sounds like you don't want to date this neighbor, you want to, well, let's just say, mow her lawn. If you know she isn't marriage potential, why risk that awkwardness when it's over? Every time you get your mail you'll have to wonder if you'll run into her. Not fun. The truth is: you can always mow anyone's lawn, if you catch my drift, with no strings attached. So don't risk it with this neighbor. Let the grass be greener on the other side.

All the best, 

Kelli Miller, MSW is a therapist, author, and radio personality. Miller was a featured expert for SIRIUS Satellite Radio Channel 198, the co-host for the TV show Love and Money: The Advice Show, and the advice columnist for Playboy U. She is the author of Professor Kelli's Guide to Finding a Husband, which can be found here, as well as her personal memoir, Joy in Solitude, found here. You can post a question to Ask Kelli here , via the Ask Kelli Facebook group, or on Twitter, http://www.twitter.com/askkelli. There's more about the Listserv's advice column at http://bit.ly/askkelli. You can read back issues of her column at http://askkelli.blogspot.com.

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