Ask Kelli: Questions about Size, Location, and Low-cut Clothing

Kelli Miller writes the All Life is Local's Advice Column, Ask Kelli. Questions can be sent to Kelli Miller in the comments section below, via the Ask Kelli Facebook group, or on Twitter @askkelli. Your name and email address will be kept confidential. Kelli's column appears on Wednesdays.

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Dear Kelli,

Do women really care about the size of a man’s “package?”

Signed,
Always Wanted to Know


Dear Always Wanted to Know,

I’m going to speak generally here, no.  Most clients I talk to say it’s not about the size but more about the ability.  You know the expression: “It’s not the size of the wand, it’s the magic in the stick!”

And larger isn’t necessarily better.  I know clients who’ve told me they’ve been with bigger men and it was extremely painful.

And small isn’t necessarily bad.  I’ve talked to clients who told me they’ve been with small guys and had a wonderful time.  So I think it all depends.

No fear.  I believe more women are concerned with how much a man makes rather than the size of his “package.”

All the best,
Kelli


Dear Kelli,

My boyfriend and I were dating for 6 months when he asked me to move in with him.  I was all set to do so when he lost his job.  Our relationship suffered and I felt really disconnected from him.  We’re still dating but a week ago he got a job in San Diego. He decided to take it but didn’t ask me to come with him. Should I ask him to go?  Or should I surprise him once he settles?

Signed,
San Diego Bound


Dear San Diego Bound,

Whoa there.  Don’t pack your sunscreen.  Don’t pack your bathing suit.  In fact, don’t pack a thing.  The man you’ve been dating hasn’t asked you to come with him.  Let me repeat that.  He hasn’t asked you to come with him.  In guy code that means “it’s over.”  I’m so sorry.  I can tell you want this relationship to work but don’t you believe if he truly loved you, he’d want you to go with him?  You deserve that.

I wouldn’t ask him, nor surprise him.  I’d take it as a sign the relationship is done.

All the best,
Kelli

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Dear Kelli,

I like to wear low-cut things.  That’s just my style.  Well, my human resources manager came up to me yesterday and asked to speak with me.  She said what I was wearing was inappropriate.  I nodded because I didn’t know what else to do.  Now I’m pissed.  Don’t I have the right to wear anything I want?

Signed,
Erin Brockovich Admirer

Dear Erin Brockovich Admirer,

Yes, you have the right to wear whatever you want.  Just not in the workplace.  Dress however you want in your own home or out but you have to abide the rules at your work.  Especially if you want to keep your job.

Job stability is so scary right now (did you read the above post?) so you want to do everything in your power to stay on top.  Even though your appearance may have nothing to do with your work skills, some people may make assumptions or label you a certain way.  And this may unconsciously affect their opinion about your performance.  Perhaps HR is making a point that dressing too revealing is distracting to co-workers.  It doesn’t really matter. The issue is that you need to start shopping for new clothes.

It seems to me that maybe you know you aren’t dressing properly but are more insulted at having your clothing choices criticized.  Look, no one likes being told what to do and especially how to dress.  But the workplace has its own set of rules and sometimes we have to bite the bullet to keep our paycheck.

All the best,
Kelli

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Kelli Miller, MSW is a therapist, author, and radio personality. Miller was a featured expert for SIRIUS Satellite Radio Channel 198, the co-host for the TV show Love and Money: The Advice Show, and the advice columnist for Playboy U. She is the author of Professor Kelli’s Guide to Finding a Husband which can be found here, as well as her personal memoir, Joy in Solitude, found here.  Ask Kelli is published on All Life is Local and the Cleveland Park Listserv on Wednesdays.

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