Dear Kelli,
I went to a holiday party about three days ago and briefly --maybe for half an hour-- talked to a woman there. We had a pleasant conversation, then moved on. Nothing earth-shattering. Well, I just noticed she Facebooked me. Is that weird? I’m also a woman (married) so it’s not an interest thing. I just find it odd that I just met her and she friended me.
Signed,
Facebook Friend?
Dear Facebook Friend?,
Is it weird she Facebooked you? These days, not really. I don’t think Facebook is about your good quality friends anymore; it’s more of a social networking site. So would it be weird if she suddenly invited you to her grandmother’s for a family dinner after meeting you for a half hour? Yes. But just adding you as a “friend”on Facebook to me just means she’s acknowledging that she met you and wants to keep you in her “circle.”
The question is: Do you like her? If the answer is no, then by all means, ignore her friend request.
All the best,
Kelli
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Dear Kelli,
My boyfriend constantly points out to me all the hot girls he sees. We’ll be watching TV and he’ll say, “Oh, she’s so hot!” or “Wow! Look how beautiful So-and-So is.” Why does he do this? Also, I do want to say we do have a good relationship otherwise, and he treats me well.
Signed,
Hot or Not
Dear Hot or Not,
Why does he do that? Why do guys leave the toilet seat up when we repeatedly ask them not to? There are answers but we may never know for sure. If I had to speculate, it could be any one of these things:
1) He wants you to know he can be open and honest with you. Sure, it’s not the most romantic and delicate way but it means he feels comfortable with you.
2) He looks at you like a buddy and is thinking you'll react like a buddy, not like a woman who's sensitive to the comparison implied in his remarks.
3) He wants to see if you’ll get jealous.
4) He’s giving you a hint that he wished you looked more like those women.
5) He doesn’t even realize he does it. (Doubtful, but still possible).
Since there's a plethora of possibilities, I’d simply ask, “Honey, why do you repeatedly point out how hot different women are?” Hear his answer, then tell him how it makes you feel. “I’m glad you feel comfortable being honest with me but it also hurts my feelings.”
All the best,
Kelli
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Dear Kelli,
A co-worker bought me a very ugly scarf for the holidays. Am I obligated to wear it?
Signed,
Covering It Up
Dear Covering It Up,
No, absolutely not. A gift is a nice gesture, one that is not supposed to put pressure on either party. If you like the scarf, wear it. If you don’t, you are not obligated to wear it. The gift is for you, remember. Not for your friend. That would defeat the whole purpose!
All the best,
Kelli
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Kelli Miller, MSW is a therapist, author, and radio personality. Miller was a featured expert for SIRIUS Satellite Radio Channel 198, the co-host for the TV show Love and Money: The Advice Show, and the advice columnist for Playboy U, and the author of Professor Kelli’s Guide to Finding a Husband. Ask Kelli is published on All Life is Local and the Cleveland Park Listserv on Wednesdays.
Kelli welcomes your comments below. Have a question? You can write to Kelli at advice (at) fastmail (dot) net, via the Ask Kelli Facebook group, http://bit.ly/3JvAJo,or on Twitter @askkelli.Your name and email address will be kept confidential.
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