Dear Kelli,
How do you politely tell someone you’re not interested in being friends anymore?
Signed,
Not So Friendly
Dear Not So Friendly,
It depends on the situation. Did something happen between you two? If so, you may say something like, “I think it’s best we part ways given what happened. I hope you understand.” If nothing happened and you just no longer care to be friends, you can say something like, “I’m going to apologize in advance but I’m not sure I can give you the time and energy a true friendship deserves. I’m going to devote that time for myself right now. Thank you for understanding.”
All the best,
Kelli
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Dear Kelli,
Our nanny quit three weeks ago and I still feel pretty devastated. I know she wasn’t a perfect match for our family but I still feel so abandoned. I know that sounds crazy! Why can’t I get over this? (And by the way we have found a replacement.)
Signed,
Nanny Attachment
Dear Nanny Attachment,
I’m wondering if your nanny's resignation triggered previous feelings of desertion for you. It’s interesting that you used the word “abandoned.” That’s a strong word and tells me you’ve probably felt something similar in the past.
So my first step would be to try to uncover what this really means for you. Who else have you felt abandoned by?
Second, I’d write an angry (or sad) letter to the nanny explaining how you are feeling. You don’t need to send it: This is just for your own sense of personal closure. It will help you process your feelings.
Finally, realize that a lot of your feelings are normal. It’s hard when anyone makes a decision about a situation that affect you, and you don’t have a say. It’s normal to feel anger, sadness, frustration, and feelings of loss.
All the best,
Kelli
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Dear Kelli,
If I RSVPed to a wedding and don’t feel like going now, is it horrible to cancel? There's no big reason -- I just lost touch with that girlfriend over the past six months and don’t feel like rekindling the relationship. I guess I changed my mind about going.
Signed,
Reverse RSVP?
Dear Reverse RSVP,
My advice is to keep your side of the street clean and go to the wedding. Once you have RSVPed, the hosts have already planned for you to attend. This could impact them financially at this point. You want to do the right thing here.
I can understand your feelings about your friend but I would also point out that friendships fluctuate. Perhaps your friend got caught up in wedding planning and couldn’t devote as much time to you?
You should go. This way you can't end up with the regret that you failed to attend a friend's wedding, in the event that you two do end up becoming close once again.
All the best,
Dear Kelli,
Our nanny quit three weeks ago and I still feel pretty devastated. I know she wasn’t a perfect match for our family but I still feel so abandoned. I know that sounds crazy! Why can’t I get over this? (And by the way we have found a replacement.)
Signed,
Nanny Attachment
Dear Nanny Attachment,
I’m wondering if your nanny's resignation triggered previous feelings of desertion for you. It’s interesting that you used the word “abandoned.” That’s a strong word and tells me you’ve probably felt something similar in the past.
So my first step would be to try to uncover what this really means for you. Who else have you felt abandoned by?
Second, I’d write an angry (or sad) letter to the nanny explaining how you are feeling. You don’t need to send it: This is just for your own sense of personal closure. It will help you process your feelings.
Finally, realize that a lot of your feelings are normal. It’s hard when anyone makes a decision about a situation that affect you, and you don’t have a say. It’s normal to feel anger, sadness, frustration, and feelings of loss.
All the best,
Kelli
---
Dear Kelli,
If I RSVPed to a wedding and don’t feel like going now, is it horrible to cancel? There's no big reason -- I just lost touch with that girlfriend over the past six months and don’t feel like rekindling the relationship. I guess I changed my mind about going.
Signed,
Reverse RSVP?
Dear Reverse RSVP,
My advice is to keep your side of the street clean and go to the wedding. Once you have RSVPed, the hosts have already planned for you to attend. This could impact them financially at this point. You want to do the right thing here.
I can understand your feelings about your friend but I would also point out that friendships fluctuate. Perhaps your friend got caught up in wedding planning and couldn’t devote as much time to you?
You should go. This way you can't end up with the regret that you failed to attend a friend's wedding, in the event that you two do end up becoming close once again.
All the best,
Kelli
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Kelli Miller, MSW is a therapist, author, and radio personality. Miller was a featured expert for SIRIUS Satellite Radio Channel 198, the co-host for the TV show Love and Money: The Advice Show, and the advice columnist for Playboy U, and the author of Professor Kelli’s Guide to Finding a Husband. Ask Kelli is published on All Life is Local and the Cleveland Park Listserv on Wednesdays.
Kelli welcomes your comments below. Have a question? You can write to Kelli at advice (at) fastmail (dot) net or via Twitter @askkelli.Your name and email address will be kept confidential.
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