Dear Kelli,
It’s really hard for me to take breaks during work. I get so focused, so involved, it’s scary. I’ve tried putting up reminders on my calendar to eat lunch or walk around but I just ignore them. I’m going to speak to a therapist about the deeper issue but do you have any concrete ideas to help me the meantime?
Signed,
Workaholic
Dear Workaholic,
Yes, I have a great idea. There is a software program you can download that will shade your computer screen at different intervals. These are reminders that it will be hard for you to ignore. You can download the free software here: dejal.com/timeout.
It might also help if you would keep in mind that studies show people are more productive if they take frequent breaks to reset their brain.
All the best,
Kelli
All the best,
Kelli
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Dear Kelli,
I have a friend who is a really a friend of a friend. We’re not super close but I know she thinks of me as more of a friend than I do her. She’s very nice but she has a lot of emotional problems. Anyway, she’s applying for a job and asked if she could list me as a reference. First of all, I don’t know her that well. Second, I’m worried about her emotional issues interfering with her job. Should I be honest with the interviewer if they call?
Sincerely,
Referral Issue
Dear Referral Issue,
If it’s not too late, I’d be honest with your friend. You could even say something like, “I’m so honored you asked me but I just don’t feel I know you well enough. It wouldn’t be fair to either of us.” If she’s already submitted your name, then I do think you should be honest with the interviewer. You can state exactly what you told me: that you believe she’s nice but are not sure if she’s emotionally ready for this type of job. This may be what's best for her under the circumstances. If she gets a job she can’t handle, she may get worse. So in other words, even though it may seem hurtful to your friend if you were to be honest with the interviewer, I believe you are looking out for her best interest.
All the best,
Kelli
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Dear Kelli,
I’ve gained some weight over the past few months and my boyfriend keeps hinting at it to me (not in a good way). I’m surprisingly okay with the new weight gain because I like having some curves. Since he’s my boyfriend, do I lose the weight for him because he’s the one who is attracted to me? Or is that crazy?
Signed,
Weighty Issue
Dear Weighty Issue,
Yes, that is a bit crazy. It’s about you being happy first, then finding someone who appreciates all of you. The most important thing is that you feel comfortable. If you were to tell me that you don’t like the weight gain either, then it might be a different story. But you are happy with the new you. If you start changing for other people now, you’re only going to get resentful later on. Your boyfriend has got to either accept the new you or you need to find someone less shallow.
All the best,
Kelli
Dear Kelli,
I have a friend who is a really a friend of a friend. We’re not super close but I know she thinks of me as more of a friend than I do her. She’s very nice but she has a lot of emotional problems. Anyway, she’s applying for a job and asked if she could list me as a reference. First of all, I don’t know her that well. Second, I’m worried about her emotional issues interfering with her job. Should I be honest with the interviewer if they call?
Sincerely,
Referral Issue
Dear Referral Issue,
If it’s not too late, I’d be honest with your friend. You could even say something like, “I’m so honored you asked me but I just don’t feel I know you well enough. It wouldn’t be fair to either of us.” If she’s already submitted your name, then I do think you should be honest with the interviewer. You can state exactly what you told me: that you believe she’s nice but are not sure if she’s emotionally ready for this type of job. This may be what's best for her under the circumstances. If she gets a job she can’t handle, she may get worse. So in other words, even though it may seem hurtful to your friend if you were to be honest with the interviewer, I believe you are looking out for her best interest.
All the best,
Kelli
---
Dear Kelli,
I’ve gained some weight over the past few months and my boyfriend keeps hinting at it to me (not in a good way). I’m surprisingly okay with the new weight gain because I like having some curves. Since he’s my boyfriend, do I lose the weight for him because he’s the one who is attracted to me? Or is that crazy?
Signed,
Weighty Issue
Dear Weighty Issue,
Yes, that is a bit crazy. It’s about you being happy first, then finding someone who appreciates all of you. The most important thing is that you feel comfortable. If you were to tell me that you don’t like the weight gain either, then it might be a different story. But you are happy with the new you. If you start changing for other people now, you’re only going to get resentful later on. Your boyfriend has got to either accept the new you or you need to find someone less shallow.
All the best,
Kelli
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Kelli Miller, MSW is a therapist, author, and radio personality. Miller was a featured expert for SIRIUS Satellite Radio Channel 198, the co-host for the TV show Love and Money: The Advice Show, and the advice columnist for Playboy U, and the author of Professor Kelli’s Guide to Finding a Husband. Ask Kelli is published on All Life is Local and the Cleveland Park Listserv on Wednesdays.
Kelli welcomes your comments below. Have a question? You can write to Kelli at advice (at) fastmail (dot) net or via Twitter @askkelli.Your name and email address will be kept confidential.
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