Dear Kelli,
I’m a heterosexual grown man but I have an insecurity. I was never into sports growing up or even as an adult. Now whenever I meet men at parties or functions they always bring up sports. “Hey what do you think about Team X?” or “Did you see the game last night?” I’m embarrassed that I’m not into it and I don’t feel masculine. I do like other “manly” stuff like hiking and cars, though. Any advice?
Signed,
No ESPN for Me
Dear No ESPN for Me,
My first piece of advice is don’t ever be ashamed of something you’re not. Yes, a lot of men are into sports but a lot of woman are into fashion. Does that mean if a woman is not into fashion it makes her less feminine? Every person is an individual with his or her own preferences, styles, and likes -- none of which make you better than or worse than anyone else. They are what make you, you.
I can see how you may feel like you’re missing out with the “bonding” of men if you can’t partake in the sports conversation. So try and figure out what other interests you can share. A good response might be, “You know I’m not too into sports but I took an awesome hike in Harper’s Ferry last weekend. Have you been there?” Or, “You know I’m not too much of a sports fan but I’m really into cars. Do you like cars?”
And this not liking of sports may serve you well with women. I can’t tell you how many fights I got into with boyfriends over watching sports or missing a planned event because a sports game was on! So it may not be an entirely bad thing…
All the best,
Kelli
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Dear Kelli,
My husband and I were watching our eight year-old niece when she walked in our room late at night. She saw us making love. I’m so embarrassed and haven’t had the heart to tell my sister. My niece is still with us for a few more days. Do I have a sit-down conversation with her about what happened?
Signed,
Uh-oh
Dear Kelli,
My husband and I were watching our eight year-old niece when she walked in our room late at night. She saw us making love. I’m so embarrassed and haven’t had the heart to tell my sister. My niece is still with us for a few more days. Do I have a sit-down conversation with her about what happened?
Signed,
Uh-oh
Dear Uh-oh,
First of all, please know this is very, very common. It’s a hard situation because it isn’t your daughter, so my advice to you would be different than if it were your own flesh and blood. I’d immediately tell your sister what happened. It’s her daughter and she has the right to choose how to handle the situation from here on out. She may want to talk with her daughter herself about what happened or ask you to sit down with her. It’s really her call. Please know, of course, you didn’t do anything wrong. Now you just have to follow up with the right next course of action.
All the best,
Kelli
Dear Kelli,
Everything irritates me. The long line at the dry cleaner, slow people on the road, my computer booting up. I feel like I have all this anger and impatience. Is there anything I can do?
Signed,
Angry Woman on the Loose
Dear Angry Woman on the Loose,
Yes, start breathing. No, seriously. Do it now as you read this. Take ten super-slow, long, deep breaths. When you are in a difficult situation and your first reaction is to scream, try slow breathing instead. It forces you back in the moment, rather than the next scene ahead. I’d also suggest that you take up meditation. It’s perfect for learning to be patient and controlled. If you can’t commit to twenty minutes, start with one or two minutes in the morning and build your way up.
Finally, try and uncover what your real anger is about, because, while it may be irritating to wait in line at the dry cleaner, that’s not the real reason you’re mad. If nothing comes now to mind, let it marinate for a while and then write in your journal about it and see what you come up with. It may surprise you.
All the best,
Kelli
Yes, start breathing. No, seriously. Do it now as you read this. Take ten super-slow, long, deep breaths. When you are in a difficult situation and your first reaction is to scream, try slow breathing instead. It forces you back in the moment, rather than the next scene ahead. I’d also suggest that you take up meditation. It’s perfect for learning to be patient and controlled. If you can’t commit to twenty minutes, start with one or two minutes in the morning and build your way up.
Finally, try and uncover what your real anger is about, because, while it may be irritating to wait in line at the dry cleaner, that’s not the real reason you’re mad. If nothing comes now to mind, let it marinate for a while and then write in your journal about it and see what you come up with. It may surprise you.
All the best,
Kelli
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Kelli Miller, MSW is a therapist, author, and radio personality. Miller was a featured expert for SIRIUS Satellite Radio Channel 198, the co-host for the TV show Love and Money: The Advice Show, and the advice columnist for Playboy U, and the author of Professor Kelli’s Guide to Finding a Husband. Ask Kelli is published on All Life is Local and the Cleveland Park Listserv on Wednesdays.
Kelli welcomes your comments below. Have a question? You can write to Kelli at advice (at) fastmail (dot) net or via Twitter @askkelli.Your name and email address will be kept confidential.
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