Dear Kelli,
Simple question: My husband and I like different TV shows. I want to spend time with him chilling on the couch but how do we decide who gets to watch what?
Signed,
TV Dilemma
Dear TV Dilemma,
It’s all about compromise. I see a resolution in any of three ways:
1) One person chooses one show and you both watch it together. The next hour the other person chooses and you watch together, and so on.
2) Purchase a TV that allows you to watch two programs at the same time. This works especially well if one of you likes sports and you just want to see the action and don’t need to hear the volume. You should also be able to get subtitles to appear on each show.
3) Figure out what you do like to watch together (there has to be something!) and make that your special TV together time.
All the best,
Kelli
It’s all about compromise. I see a resolution in any of three ways:
1) One person chooses one show and you both watch it together. The next hour the other person chooses and you watch together, and so on.
2) Purchase a TV that allows you to watch two programs at the same time. This works especially well if one of you likes sports and you just want to see the action and don’t need to hear the volume. You should also be able to get subtitles to appear on each show.
3) Figure out what you do like to watch together (there has to be something!) and make that your special TV together time.
All the best,
Kelli
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Dear Kelli,
I need to have a minor procedure done and my mother-in-law wants to come with me for the surgery. I appreciate her offer but to be honest, having her there would make me more stressed out. Her husband is a doctor and a colleague of the doctor doing my surgery, so he wants to be there as well. I’m okay with having my father-in-law there, but not my mother-in-law. How do I politely tell her I don’t want her there?
Signed,
Sliced and Stressed
Dear Sliced and Stressed,
I understand your dilemma and think it’s best if you’re upfront and honest with your mother-in-law. Something like this might work well: “Jennifer, thank you so much for your offer to come with me for my procedure. My thought is that the more people I have around me, the more nervous I’ll be. I know your husband will be as another medical eye and I think that will be more than enough for me. Is it possible I can see you a day or two after the procedure when I’m in better spirits? This way I can really enjoy your company and not be a stress ball!”
All the best,
Kelli
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Dear Kelli,
I need to have a minor procedure done and my mother-in-law wants to come with me for the surgery. I appreciate her offer but to be honest, having her there would make me more stressed out. Her husband is a doctor and a colleague of the doctor doing my surgery, so he wants to be there as well. I’m okay with having my father-in-law there, but not my mother-in-law. How do I politely tell her I don’t want her there?
Signed,
Sliced and Stressed
Dear Sliced and Stressed,
I understand your dilemma and think it’s best if you’re upfront and honest with your mother-in-law. Something like this might work well: “Jennifer, thank you so much for your offer to come with me for my procedure. My thought is that the more people I have around me, the more nervous I’ll be. I know your husband will be as another medical eye and I think that will be more than enough for me. Is it possible I can see you a day or two after the procedure when I’m in better spirits? This way I can really enjoy your company and not be a stress ball!”
All the best,
Kelli
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Dear Kelli,
How do you know if a friend is lying to you?
Signed,
Confused Friend
Dear Confused Friend,
How do you know? You probably won’t know for certain unless you confront your friend. So in my opinion and without being judgmental, I’d ask your question straight out. No need for details or why you think she’s lying. Just ask her the question straight out.
But my question to you is this: What makes you question her honesty? Have you seen signs for a while? I’d trust your gut if you can’t get a straight answer from her. It may not be possible to keep up a friendship with someone you no longer trust.
All the best,
How do you know if a friend is lying to you?
Signed,
Confused Friend
Dear Confused Friend,
How do you know? You probably won’t know for certain unless you confront your friend. So in my opinion and without being judgmental, I’d ask your question straight out. No need for details or why you think she’s lying. Just ask her the question straight out.
But my question to you is this: What makes you question her honesty? Have you seen signs for a while? I’d trust your gut if you can’t get a straight answer from her. It may not be possible to keep up a friendship with someone you no longer trust.
All the best,
Kelli
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And now here's a helpful reader suggestion in response to the question in last week's column from the bridesmaid who could not afford to fly to her close friend's "destination wedding":
Mom With Points to Spare
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Kelli Miller, MSW is a therapist, author, and radio personality. Miller was a featured expert for SIRIUS Satellite Radio Channel 198, the co-host for the TV show Love and Money: The Advice Show, and the advice columnist for Playboy U, and the author of Professor Kelli’s Guide to Finding a Husband. Ask Kelli is published on All Life is Local and the Cleveland Park Listserv on Wednesdays.
Kelli welcomes your comments below. Have a question? You can write to Kelli at advice (at) fastmail (dot) net or via Twitter @askkelli.Your name and email address will be kept confidential.
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