Ask Kelli: Sounds, Signals, and Fantasies

by Kelli Miller

Dear Kelli,

My father-in-law is a great guy. He comes over on occasion to watch my daughter while I run errands or clean up. My only complaint is that he watches TV in the family room with the volume turned up way too loud when my daughter is sleeping. A few times he actually woke my daughter up from her nap! Then I have to go and put her back down again. I feel guilty saying something because I’m grateful for the free babysitting but frustrated because it ends up being more of a disaster sometimes. Do I or can I say something?

Signed,
Turn it Down!


Dear Turn it Down,

I understand your dilemma. You appreciate the help but are frustrated because it sometimes comes back to bite you! If your husband is still in the picture, I’d first tell him about this situation and ask him to talk to his dad. I always leave spouses to talk to their parents first. It’s their domain. If that’s not an option, I have a few thoughts:

1) How about purchasing a set of headphones for him? He can plug them into the TV. Just tell him to keep your daughter’s monitor nearby and every five to ten minutes take off the headphones to check for noises.

2) Do you have a basement? Could you possibly create a space down there with a TV? This way he can watch at a loud volume and you won’t risk waking your daughter.

3) If none of these options work, you need to have a heart-to-heart with him. Ask him what else you can provide for him in that time besides the TV. Is there a book or magazine you can provide? Sudoku or crossword? You get the idea.

All the best,
Kelli

---
Dear Kelli,

I feel like I’m constantly eating mindlessly. Sometimes I’m not even hungry. I don’t know if it’s boredom, stress, or I’m truly hungry. Any thoughts on how I can tell?

Signed,
Hungry for Something Else


Dear Hungry for Something Else,

A great investment if you feel like you are eating mindlessly is meditation. Meditation allows you to get in touch with what you’re really feeling while alleviating stress. So I’d first suggest trying to meditate daily or at least try taking some deep breaths. Next, I’d write down what you are feeling in those moments. There is something about writing things down on paper that allows the truth to really come out. You’ll find out if it’s boredom or why you’re stressed. Next, I like to use a hunger scale at times when I can’t tell if I’m hungry. I use a scale from one to ten, with ten being full and one being starving. See if you can keep yourself steady in the middle, never under a three or over an eight. It takes some practice but it might help you feel more in touch with your hunger and fullness cues. Finally, a nutritionist is a great resource. Look for someone who knows about intuitive eating (eating what you want based on your own personal cues).

All the best,
Kelli

---

Dear Kelli,

I’m a married woman of twelve years and I do love my husband. But I fantasize about other woman. I feel like a freak of nature and it worries me. I don’t believe I’m a lesbian or want to go into that lifestyle but I do believe I’m attracted to other women. Am I a freak?

Signed,
Strange Fantasies


Dear Strange Fantasies,

Fantasies are just that -- a leap into your imagination where you are allowed to go without feeling judged. It’s a safe place to explore different parts of your sexuality. You’re absolutely not a freak and I believe it’s natural to think about the same sex, even if you consider yourself heterosexual. Believe me, I’m heard much more intense fantasy descriptions. Some argue fantasies are a great way to boost current love life! So enjoy!

All the best,
Kelli

-----------------------------

Kelli Miller, MSW is a therapist, author, and radio personality. Miller was a featured expert for SIRIUS Satellite Radio Channel 198, the co-host for the TV show Love and Money: The Advice Show, and the advice columnist for Playboy U, and the author of Professor Kelli’s Guide to Finding a Husband. Ask Kelli is published on All Life is Local and the Cleveland Park Listserv on Wednesdays.

Kelli welcomes your comments below.  Have a question? You can write to Kelli at advice (at) fastmail (dot) net or via Twitter @askkelli.Your name and email address will be kept confidential.