Hi Kelli
My neighbors have two young dogs, both under a year, I think. The dogs are barking quite a bit, at all hours of the day and night. I have met the neighbors but we are not close. What is a reasonable time to ask for quiet? 10pm until 7am? Their barking is interrupting our sleep, not to mention our peace and quiet, and we would love to resolve this before spring comes with open window season.
Signed,
Quiet Please!
Dear Quiet Please!
I absolutely agree that it's reasonable to ask the neighbors to keep their dogs quiet between 10 pm and 7 am. I know it’s uncomfortable to ask your neighbors, especially ones you don’t know well, to quiet their pets, but it is perfectly acceptable to do so.
I’m wondering if you can approach it as a problem you can brainstorm with them to solve. You could propose something like this: “Hi Betty. My partner and I are having some problems falling asleep at night because of the noise of your dogs. Perhaps we can come up with a plan together that will keep them from barking between the hours of 10 pm and 7 am?”
That way you’re working out the problem together and the neighbor is less likely to get defensive. You will also be able to follow up if they don't stick to the plan you agreed to, or if the dogs are still barking, and a more effective approach is needed.
All the best,
Kelli
---
Dear Kelli,
My friend has six cats. Yes, six. Talk about crazy cat lady! Well, I’d go to her house more often, but the cats pee and poop everywhere, not just in the litter box. It’s disgusting. How do I tell her why I don’t come over her house more often?
Signed,
Not Crazy for Cats
Dear Not Crazy,
How do you tell her? Be honest about it: "I love being with you and I’d come over more but I'm really grossed out by the cat feces and urine in your house." It sounds like she needs a reality check to understand that these conditions are not just unpleasant but also unsanitary. Your friend may be offended, but I have a feeling you’re not the only one turning down invitations. Hopefully the truth will resonate with her and she’ll make some needed changes.
All the best,
Kelli
---
How do you tell her? Be honest about it: "I love being with you and I’d come over more but I'm really grossed out by the cat feces and urine in your house." It sounds like she needs a reality check to understand that these conditions are not just unpleasant but also unsanitary. Your friend may be offended, but I have a feeling you’re not the only one turning down invitations. Hopefully the truth will resonate with her and she’ll make some needed changes.
All the best,
Kelli
---
Dear Kelli,
A friend of mine has a wonderful boyfriend who is kind to her and treats her well. The problem is that she has cheated on him (he doesn’t know) and is constantly talking about other guys that she has “crushes” on. I feel horrible for her boyfriend because he’s a decent guy and deserves better. But my allegiance is to my friend. How can I help her to see how great he is? And that she is going to lose him if she doesn’t shape up?
Signed,
Keep That Man
Dear Keep that Man,
It’s very hard when you see a friend doing the wrong thing, especially to a nice guy. But the hard truth is we can only change ourselves, not anybody else. So realize you can try and talk to your friend, but she is who she is and she is going to live her own life.
With that said, you can gently tell your friend you believe her boyfriend is solid gold and she’s very lucky to have him. I’d probably leave it at that, because you don’t want your friend to get defensive or let your opinion of their relationship affect yours. On some level I’m sure she knows what she’s doing isn’t right.
But maybe it’s time to question your relationship with your friend. Are her morals and values ones that resonate with you? It doesn’t sound like it to me. So it might be a good time to take a look at your relationship and see if this is really a solid, lasting friendship.
All the best,
Kelli
A friend of mine has a wonderful boyfriend who is kind to her and treats her well. The problem is that she has cheated on him (he doesn’t know) and is constantly talking about other guys that she has “crushes” on. I feel horrible for her boyfriend because he’s a decent guy and deserves better. But my allegiance is to my friend. How can I help her to see how great he is? And that she is going to lose him if she doesn’t shape up?
Signed,
Keep That Man
Dear Keep that Man,
It’s very hard when you see a friend doing the wrong thing, especially to a nice guy. But the hard truth is we can only change ourselves, not anybody else. So realize you can try and talk to your friend, but she is who she is and she is going to live her own life.
With that said, you can gently tell your friend you believe her boyfriend is solid gold and she’s very lucky to have him. I’d probably leave it at that, because you don’t want your friend to get defensive or let your opinion of their relationship affect yours. On some level I’m sure she knows what she’s doing isn’t right.
But maybe it’s time to question your relationship with your friend. Are her morals and values ones that resonate with you? It doesn’t sound like it to me. So it might be a good time to take a look at your relationship and see if this is really a solid, lasting friendship.
All the best,
Kelli
--------------
Kelli Miller, MSW is a therapist, author, and radio personality. Miller was a featured expert for SIRIUS Satellite Radio Channel 198, the co-host for the TV show Love and Money: The Advice Show, and the advice columnist for Playboy U, and the author of Professor Kelli’s Guide to Finding a Husband. Ask Kelli is published on All Life is Local and the Cleveland Park Listserv on Wednesdays.
No comments:
Post a Comment