Dear Rachel,
I am a senior in college and my girlfriend is one year older than me. She graduated from the same college last year. When we were both in college, she had no problem hanging out with my friends. Now when we spend time together she is always insisting that we do it away from campus and she won't visit my apartment, which is right by campus.
She says that now that she's graduated and has a real job, it's embarrassing to go back on campus and spend time with college kids. It's frustrating for me because I am obviously still in college and I want to enjoy my senior year. What do I do?
Senior Slump
Dear Senior Slump,
Have you reminded your girlfriend that, despite her diploma and fancy new job, she is still dating a college kid? If you two are going to stay together, she needs to first deal with that fact.
Listen, I totally empathize with your girlfriend not wanting to hang out in all the same spots she frequented as a student. Why would she want to go to the campus library before she even has the time to get sentimental about it? Perhaps the issue of your apartment is more about its underclassmen decor (think empty pizza boxes and eau de stale beer) than the location. That being said, if she is going to continue to date you, she has got to make some compromises.
Being an "adult" essentially means whatever you want it to mean. A person doesn't need to tear down all her posters and hang up framed pictures instead to get a real world card. Your girlfriend can be an adult and have a boyfriend in college, but she needs to be confident enough to swing it. That's up to her.
Here's what's up to you: be honest with her. Tell her that you're frustrated that she seems embarrassed to be associated with anything still related to college, because that includes you. And remember that you're not someone to be ashamed about. It's perfectly fine if you want to spend your final year in college embracing all of the most college-y of college things. Unfortunately, one unavoidable underclassmen experience is heartbreak.
All my best,
Rachel
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Rachel Kurzius revels in giving advice, and has provided counsel both as a columnist and a friend. She lives in Washington DC, where she works as a news producer. Real Talk with Rachel is published on All Life is Local and the Cleveland Park Listserv, www.cleveland-park.com, on Wednesdays. Need advice? You can write to Rachel via http://bit.ly/realtalkwithrachel or advice @ fastmail.us.
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