Ask Kelli: Money Matters - Paying the Sitter, Working for Friend's Company, Arguing about Spending with Spouse

Dear Kelli,

I tell my babysitter to come at 3:30 pm on Mondays and Wednesdays. She usually comes around 3:05 pm and then gets right to work. Do I have to pay her for the time she comes early? She usually helps immediately when she arrives but I really don’t need her to start until 3:30 pm (although I certainly don’t mind the extra help!) I’ve made it clear that she doesn’t need to be at my house until 3:30 pm, so she is definitely aware.

Signed,
Should I Pay?

Dear Should I Pay,

No. I think you’re okay just paying her for the time you told her to be there. It’s her decision to come early, especially since you made the start time clear. If she wants to “volunteer” for those extra 25 minutes she is most certainly entitled to!

What would be nice, however, is to give her a generous holiday bonus to show your appreciation at the end of this year.

All the best,
Kelli

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Dear Kelli,

I have a dear friend whom I adore. We used to work together about four years ago. Well, she started her own company now is actually doing something very different from what we used to do. I like the idea of what she’s doing but am not interested in actually being a part of it. She’s invited to work for her on several occasions and keeps persisting. I feel bad and guilty saying no outright, so I keep saying, “Yeah, I’ll think about it” or “Perhaps a little later on.” But now she keeps bugging me about it, to the point I’m getting really frustrated. What can I do?

Signed,
Don’t Want to Join Her Company!


Dear Don’t Want to Join Her Company,

Well, you can start by being honest with your friend. Of course she keeps asking you about this opportunity: She thinks you may actually want to be a part of it! So it’s time to be upfront and real with her. You can say, “I’m so sorry, Lisa. Although I think what you’re doing is awesome, I don’t think this is going to work out for me and I’m sorry if I led you in a different direction. I’ll definitely let you know if I change my mind, and if you want, I can help you brainstorm other potentials.”

Just take this situation as a lesson learned. It’s better to be upfront the first time, rather than beating around the bush several times.

All the best,
Kelli

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Dear Kelli,

My husband is constantly on my case about spending. (Yes, I’m definitely the spender in the family.) Last week, however, he went out and bought an old fixer-upper car. He never spends but I can’t help but feel annoyed. Why do we need a fixer-upper car? I’d rather put that money towards clothes or things I’ve been so careful about not spending our money on! Do I have the right to be mad or should I just let this one go, considering he never really buys anything?

Signed,
Fix This One


Dear Fix This One,

I’d let this one go. Yes, you have a right to feel frustrated. You’ve probably been watching every penny and here you are seeing your husband spend on what you think is a frivolous purchase.

So I have two things to say about this. First of all, it may seem ridiculous to you, but this car is probably super-exciting to your husband. Just like clothes are cool and exciting to you (and he doesn’t get it), this is his favorite splurge. Plus, this actually may be a hobby for him, not just a one-time purchase.

Second, I actually think it’s a good thing that he's spending money. First, because it’s healthy for everyone to splurge once in awhile and second, because splurging reminds your husband that it’s okay to be deserving. This way he can cut you some slack for the future!

So yes, let this one go. But if keeps purchasing and simultaneously telling you to save, then we’ll talk.

All the best,
Kelli

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Kelli Miller, MSW is a therapist, author, and radio personality. Miller was a featured expert for SIRIUS Satellite Radio Channel 198, the co-host for the TV show Love and Money: The Advice Show, and the advice columnist for Playboy U. She is the author of Professor Kelli’s Guide to Finding a Husband which can be found here, as well as her personal memoir, Joy in Solitude, found here.  Ask Kelli is published on All Life is Local and the Cleveland Park Listserv on Wednesdays.

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