Ask Kelli: Questions about Things People Love and Don't Love

Dear Kelli,

I have a foot fetish. I could stare at people’s feet all day long. Is this normal?

Signed,

Happy Feet

Dear Happy Feet,

Normal? Probably not. Insane? No. You have a foot fetish. Not the worst fetish I’ve heard. Look, everyone has a preference. Some like legs, others like feet. You’re one of those. That’s okay. In my opinion, as long as you aren’t touching the stranger’s feet, I think you’re okay to admire them.

All the best,

Kelli

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Dear Kelli,

What is the best way to tell my extremely persuasive mother-in-law that we don’t want to come home for the holidays? We both want to stay here in DC, relax, and eat turkey in front of our own TV. She lives cross country. We really don’t feel like schlepping on a five hour flight, waiting in line, and dealing with her force feeding that occurs every Thanksgiving.

Signed,

Homebound

Dear Homebound,

My first piece of advice is to have your husband manage his mother. When it comes to mother-in-law issues, it’s in the husband’s hands.

So have him do the dirty work.

Now if he is away or can’t for some logical (key word, logical) reason, then I suggest you try telling the truth.  Something like, “'Mom,' I have to be honest with you. We think it might be too much for us to fly out for Thanksgiving this year. I’m so sorry to disappoint you. We both have been feeling really drained lately and we’re not sure right now we can withstand all the traffic and flying. This wasn’t an easy decision, especially because we know how badly you want us to come out, so we thank you in advance for understanding.”

Then end it. If she tries to guilt-trip you, you don’t give in. You end it. Something like, “I know you really want me there, 'Mom' and I’m sorry we’ve come to this decision.”

All the best,

Kelli

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Dear Kelli,

What’s a reasonable amount of time for a man to watch sports? My husband watches 35 hours (yes 35!) of sports a week. It often takes the place of watching the kids, helping clean up, couple time, sex, etc. I’m getting fed up but wondering if I have reason to be.

Signed,

Not a Sports Fan

Dear Not a Sports Fan,

A unreasonable amount of time for a man to watch sports is at the point at which his wife feels their marriage has been compromised. You have every right to feel frustrated and annoyed. Thirty-five hours a week is a lot of TV time. It’s a lot even if your husband is Michael Jordan.

So here’s my advice. Stop being a doormat and start talking to your husband about it. Tell him your marriage is on the line. Yes, it’s dramatic but it’s also the truth. With 35 hours a week (and I assume he’s also working?) when does he have time for you? And your kids? If he keeps on watching the amount he’s watching, you’re going to continue to feel ignored. And then eventually you’re going to get resentful and possibly fall out of love. Maybe he doesn’t directly mean to hurt you, but he is. He’s also disrespecting your family. So you must say something. You have every right to feel “fed up.”

It’s one thing to have a passion and love for sports. And several hours a week is understandable. But 35 hours is a sign that something’s not working. You need to have a sit-down with your man and discuss.

All the best,

Kelli

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Kelli Miller, MSW is a therapist, author, and radio personality. Miller was a featured expert for SIRIUS Satellite Radio Channel 198, the co-host for the TV show Love and Money: The Advice Show, and the advice columnist for Playboy U, and the author of Professor Kelli’s Guide to Finding a Husband. Ask Kelli is published on All Life is Local and the Cleveland Park Listserv on Wednesdays.

Kelli welcomes your comments below.  Have a question? You can write to Kelli at advice (at) fastmail (dot) net, via the Ask Kelli Facebook group, http://bit.ly/3JvAJo,or on Twitter @askkelli..Your name and email address will be kept confidential