Dear Kelli,
I recently broke up with my boyfriend of six months. He seemed so interested in me, telling me how much he loved me, that he wanted to get married, and so on. But after I finished my graduate program, he dumped me. It doesn’t make any sense! I’m 23 and he’s 33 and he’s saying that I will regret being with him in a few years because I’ll feel I didn’t get to experience my youth. I heard through a friend that he’s now dating someone else. Is it possible that he wants the best for me and truly loves me?
Signed,
Still Hoping He’s It
Dear Still Hoping,
Is it possible? Yes, but it’s also possible California could break off from the United States tomorrow. I’m being harsh because I want you to see through your ex’s bull crap. The sooner you do, the sooner you’ll be able to move on. In my opinion, if you love someone you want to be with them. Period. You work out your issues over time when they arise. You don’t create “potential” issues that aren’t even in the picture yet (such as, “you’ll regret your youth”). That’s a nice easy way out of saying, “I don’t want to hurt you by telling you I don’t love you, so I’ll make up an excuse that has to do with you.” If your ex truly loved you, he wouldn’t be dating someone else. He’d be with you, making a commitment.
Grieve this relationship, then move on. You’ll find someone who loves you with his heart and his actions.
Best,
Kelli
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Dear Kelli,
I’m seeing a prominent doctor in the area. I’ve met him face-to-face once but the rest of our conversations have gone through his nurse. It’s impossible to get hold of him. I want to speak with him -- not his nurse! Any suggestions for how I can speak with him and not his nurse?
Signed,
It’s Like He’s the President
Dear It’s Like,
I understand your frustration. I would advise that you write down all your questions, call the office, and have another in-person meeting with this doctor. That way you will be able to ask all your questions and have them answered directly by the doctor. Then I’d ask him his opinion on how best to be able to ask him any future questions, without having to go through the nurse. He may say that it's his office's protocol and that’s how they do it, or he may have an alternative way to get in touch (such as email). If it’s the office's protocol to go though the nurse, you have to decide which is less frustrating for you: having a good doctor and having to speak through his nurse or trying to find someone new who's good but takes patients' call directly?
Best,
Kelli
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Dear Kelli,
I just moved a few blocks down the street but I am feeling completely and totally overwhelmed by the move. I feel like I want all my boxes cleared in one sitting. I know that’s not possible but I feel this urge to get it all done. It feels compulsive. Help!
Signed,
Unpack Me!
Dear Unpack Me!
Moving is hard, no matter how you slice it. They say it’s the second-most stressful event after a death in the family. So cut yourself a break for feeling overwhelmed. It’s natural.
I’d set some boundaries around unpacking. For example, you could set the timer and allow yourself X number of minutes/hours to unpack. After that, no matter what tell yourself, you are done -- finished for the night. And call someone to make a commitment to not unpack anything else. Then either plan a night out or go into another room and watch TV.
You also have to reset your expectations. Tell yourself you may not get the entire apartment/house unpacked in just a few weeks. It may take a few months. That’s okay. You need to accept that it may take longer than you’d like. But you have to decide if you want your keep sanity and keep a few more boxes lying around, or go for no boxes at all and an insane brain! I’d go with the first.
Best,
Kelli
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Kelli Miller, MSW is a therapist, author, and radio personality. Miller was a featured expert for SIRIUS Satellite Radio Channel 198, the co-host for the TV show Love and Money: The Advice Show, and the advice columnist for Playboy U, and the author of Professor Kelli’s Guide to Finding a Husband. Ask Kelli is published on All Life is Local and the Cleveland Park Listserv on Wednesdays.
Kelli welcomes your comments below. Have a question? You can write to Kelli at advice (at) fastmail (dot) net or via Twitter @askkelli.Your name and email address will be kept confidential.
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