Ask Kelli: Disclosing a Health Condition, Criticizing the Cooking, and Turning Down a Job

by Kelli Miller

Dear Kelli,

I have genital herpes and I’m truly scared I won’t find anyone to marry me because of it. I’m also wondering when is the best time to tell a potential dater that I have herpes?

Signed,
The Disease That Keeps Me Down


Dear The Disease the Keeps Me Down,

I understand why you’re worried, but let me offer you some comfort. First of all, I know several clients who have genital herpes and have successful marriages. If a person truly loves you, they will accept all of you. I’m not doubting it’s difficult to live with herpes but I’m thinking that this may serve you better than you think. When you tell your potential romantic interest that you have herpes, you are essentially weeding out the people who don’t truly care for you. When someone loves another person, he/she will live with that person’s ailments. That is what true love is all about.

As far as the time-frame is concerned, I would suggest waiting until you feel the relationship is getting serious, but obviously before you get intimate. You want to be fair to your partner but you also don’t want to scare them off too early. It’s different for everyone but my guess is that it would be probably be around the third or fourth date.

All the best,
Kelli

---

Dear Kelli,

My wife’s cooking sucks. I’m not trying to be mean but I have to say, it’s downright awful. I appreciate her efforts, but I just can’t eat this grub anymore! Any suggestions?

Signed,
Starving Myself


Dear Starving Myself,

First, let me offer you some perspective. It’s very kind of your wife to cook for you, regardless of how crappy you think the food tastes. So you definitely want to offer your gratitude for her efforts. Cooking isn’t easy and even though you might not like the results, you have to concede that her heart is in the right place.

I’m thinking three things would work here:

1) Find out what exactly isn’t tasting right. Is it the recipes she’s using? In other words, if you aren’t a vegetable lover and she’s cooking all veggies, the solution might be as simple as suggesting different meal options. Is the food bland? Perhaps all you need to do is to add your own condiments or seasonings. So try and home in on what isn’t working for you. It might be easier to tweak than you think.

2) Offer to cook with her. You don’t have to tell her that her cooking bites, but you could say, “I’d love to make a meal together.” Then add your own twist and she can learn from what you like.

3) If you don’t know how to cook, offer to take a cooking class together.

All the best,
Kelli

---

Dear Kelli,

I turned down a job verbally. Is it necessary to write a thank-you letter?

Signed,
Want to Do What's Right


Dear Want to Do What's Right,

I would. You always want to present yourself in the best light possible. You never know what may happen later on, and you could end up working for this company some time down the road. It’s a small effort on your part that ends up looking very gracious.

All the best,
Kelli

---------------------------------------------

Kelli Miller, MSW is a therapist, author, and radio personality. Miller was a featured expert for SIRIUS Satellite Radio Channel 198, the co-host for the TV show Love and Money: The Advice Show, and the advice columnist for Playboy U, and the author of Professor Kelli’s Guide to Finding a Husband. Ask Kelli is published on All Life is Local and the Cleveland Park Listserv on Wednesdays.

Kelli welcomes your comments below.  Have a question? You can write to Kelli at advice (at) fastmail (dot) net or via Twitter @askkelli.Your name and email address will be kept confidential.