Dear Kelli,
I have a friend who can’t shut up about anyone else’s business. Interestingly enough, I have the impression she keeps my business private. Am I crazy to trust her?
Signed,
Big Mouth’s Friend
Dear Big Mouth’s Friend,
I’m sorry to say but yes. What makes you think she’ll keep your business quiet if she tells you about everyone else’s? We all want to think our friends are trustworthy but she’s showing you indirectly that she’s not. Make sense? In my opinion, it’s too big a gamble to tell her anything you hope to keep private.
You may also want to re-examine what makes a good friend. Even if you don’t feel she’s gossiping about you, if she’s blabbing about everyone else, is she really a good friend?
All the best,
Kelli
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Dear Kelli,
I have a friend who pretends he's a dentist in order to sign up for free samples from various dental product websites. He gets free toothbrushes, toothpaste, floss, and other stuff. He is now getting over 200 free items every few months. He justifies what he's doing by saying, “It’s not like I’m getting diamond rings!” But I think it's wrong. What do you think?
Signed,
Friend of a Fake Dentist
Dear Friend of a Fake Dentist,
Do I think it’s right to pretend you’re something you’re not to get something for free? No. Do I think it’s right to take advantage of a promotion for personal gain? Again, no. So I’m definitely with you on this one. It sounds like you’re a person with principles, and just because the items are “not diamond rings” doesn’t make it okay to use deception to acquire them.
Each person has to develop his or her own morals and beliefs, but it can be hard to sustain a friendship when your friend's views don't match your own. If I would you, I would state my peace and move on. Perhaps one day your friend will realize what he’s doing isn’t right.
All the best,
Kelli
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Dear Kelli,
I caught my boyfriend texting another girl. He swears it’s innocent and they are just friends. I’ve never heard of this woman nor seen her. Should I let this slide?
Signed,
Not Sure
Dear Not Sure,
I’d be highly impressed if you could let it slide. If it were me, I'd want to know how he met this woman, who she is, what kinds of messages they're sending back and forth, and how long they've been texting. He's your boyfriend after all!
I hate to say it but the situation doesn’t look good. Unless he’s planning a surprise party for you (possible, but doubtful) I’d be on the lookout for other clues of trouble in this relationship. You don’t want to be the fool.
The other important question to ask is: Has anything like happened before? Have you noticed any other odd behaviors from your boyfriend (other parts of his life that he seems less than candid about)? If so, it’s time to take these behaviors as signs you need to end this relationship pronto.
All the best,
Kelli
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Kelli Miller, MSW is a therapist, author, and radio personality. Miller was a featured expert for SIRIUS Satellite Radio Channel 198, the co-host for the TV show Love and Money: The Advice Show, and the advice columnist for Playboy U, and the author of Professor Kelli’s Guide to Finding a Husband. Ask Kelli is published on All Life is Local and the Cleveland Park Listserv on Wednesdays.
Kelli welcomes your comments below. Have a question? You can write to Kelli at advice (at) fastmail (dot) net or via Twitter @askkelli.Your name and email address will be kept confidential.
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