Dear Kelli,
I suspect my employee is pregnant. She’s gotten heavier, appears tired, and has called in sick quite a few times. Do I ask her if she’s pregnant? It seems obvious to me, and I feel like we’re just playing the waiting game. I’d like to know because if she is pregnant, she may not be able to do the work required.
Signed,
Baby on Board?
Dear Baby on Board?
I’d advise you not to ask your employee if she’s pregnant. I’m not a employment law specialist but here's what I found on a human resources website: “This is a question that any employer should avoid. Because only women get pregnant, employment discrimination based on pregnancy is illegal sex discrimination under Title VII of the Civil Rights Act. Many states have a similar law that prohibits asking an employee if she is pregnant.” So if I were you, I’d keep those lips sealed!
All the best,
Kelli
Dear Kelli,
I had some landscaping done on my house. The company and I had agreed upon a certain amount of work within a general time frame. The landscapers were running way behind schedule and didn’t make it out to my house until a few weeks later. I didn’t give them a hard time about that. During the landscaping changes, however, I was able to talk the workers into doing a little more work than we talked about. The boss called me, asked me for the balance, and then asked if the workers did any more work than what was discussed. I said no. Now I’m feeling really guilty. It wasn’t that much more work, and I felt justified at the time because they had started the job so far behind schedule. What do you think? I am happy with the work that they did.
Signed,
Not Feeling Grounded
Dear Not Feeling Grounded,
I think you sound like an ethical person, because this isn’t sitting right with you. I respect that and I believe you should take it one step further and make it one hundred percent right. You could call the landscaper boss and say something like this: “Bob, thank you again for all your work on the house. We’re really pleased with the results. I did want to be honest and let you know there was some additional work done by the workers. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. I was hoping we could call it even, considering the your company was running weeks behind on the schedule and so the timeline we agreed upon was pushed out.”
I believe you’ll feel satisfied with the result if you are honest and upfront. It may even work in your favor!
All the best,
Kelli
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Dear Kelli,
My daughter has just started preschool and has befriended a sweet little girl in her class. My problem is that I just can't stand being around the little girl’s mother. She’s rude, boring, and it’s obvious we just don’t click. I'm not worried that she's a bad mother, and I'm okay with letting my daughter play at their house; I just don’t like her personality. Since my daughter is still young, unsupervised playdates are not an option. Is there a way to handle this situation without cutting out these playdates altogether?
Signed,
Personality Clash
Dear Personality Clash,
Yes, I think are a few ways to enable your daughter to see her friend without turning yourself into a forced companion of the mother. The good news is that it’s not a matter of safety, it’s a matter of personality. Here are my thoughts on three ways to work around the problem:
First, you could offer to supervise both girls at your house, without the little girl’s mother. If all goes well, she will reciprocate at her house, and then you can continue to switch off with each playdate.
Second, you could invite the mother and daughter over but include a mother that you do like into the mix. This way you don’t have to rely solely on this mother’s conversation.
Third, consider the possibility of involving the dads, rather than always putting the pressure on the moms to arrange playdates. If the dads are willing and able, let them be the ones to get the daughters together. They may well get along much better than the moms.
All the best,
Kelli
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And now for a follow-up from a reader with a good suggestion on how to respond to guests at a party who badger another guest, a doctor, for free medical advice. He writes:
I know a retired doc who once told me how he used to handle such questions at parties: "I will be happy to examine you.
Please step into the host's bedroom and undress." This joke
stops the questioners!
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Kelli Miller, MSW is a therapist, author, and radio personality. Miller was a featured expert for SIRIUS Satellite Radio Channel 198, the co-host for the TV show Love and Money: The Advice Show, and the advice columnist for Playboy U, and the author of Professor Kelli’s Guide to Finding a Husband. Ask Kelli is published on All Life is Local and the Cleveland Park Listserv on Wednesdays.
Kelli welcomes your comments below. Have a question? You can write to Kelli at advice (at) fastmail (dot) net or via Twitter @askkelli.Your name and email address will be kept confidential.
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