Dear Kelli,
I have a huge presentation to do for work in front of more than fifty people. I’m completely and totally petrified. Any tips on how to get through it?
Signed,
Stage Fright
Dear Stage Fright,
They say that public speaking is the number one fear that people have, and death comes in second place. That tells you that you are not alone! If that old standby, picturing the crowd naked, isn't enough, I have these suggestions for you:
1) Take several minutes to do some deep breathing before you conduct the presentation. The mind follows the breath, and if your breathing is slowed, your presentation will be more focused.
2) If possible, start with a joke. It will help to loosen up both you and the crowd.
3) Tell yourself it’s okay to mess up. Sometimes people become fixated on the fear of messing up. So tell yourself it’s okay if you do. If, during the presentation, you get stuck, you can always say, “Let me take a second to figure out where I was.”
4) Bring a bottle of water on stage and drink from it when you need to think or take a small break.
Break a leg,
Kelli
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Dear Kelli,
My good friend owns a dog magazine and wanted to do a photo-shoot of my dog for the cover. She asked me and I felt honored. So we did the shoot and it was successful. A few weeks later another friend asked me if that first friend had paid me for the shoot. I said no and my other friend was really surprised. Now I’m feeling a little annoyed that the first friend didn’t pay me, especially because she would typically pay a client for a photo-shoot. What do you think?
Signed,
Having a Bone to Pick
Dear Having a Bone to Pick,
I believe good friends do favors for friends and no monetary compensation should be expected. I think it’s a bonus if a good friend wants to pay you or get you a small gift for your help. And again, a gift is nice, but not expected.
But that’s assuming no terms were established in the beginning between the two of you. Did the friend ask a “favor” to shoot your dog? Or did she ever mention some sort of payment? If she did mention payment, then of course you can expect it. Otherwise, you should stick with your first instinct of feeling honored and you should try not to feel undervalued. I’m sure that some day this friend do a favor for you.
All the best,
Kelli
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Dear Kelli,
I have a very embarrassing problem. I have been dating this guy for three months and things have been going very well. One evening we were getting intimate and I farted very loudly during intercourse. We both laughed, but of course I was totally and completely mortified. The evening went on okay, but it’s now been two weeks and he hasn’t called me. Of course, I’m thinking along the lines of “I farted and he’s completely grossed out.” Do you think it’s possible I ruined it for us?
Signed,
Smell This
Dear Smell This,
Sure, it’s possible this guy dumped you because of that fart. It also would be completely shallow, stupid, and dumb of this guy to end the relationship because of a natural body function that every man and WOMAN does. So if that’s the case, thank god this guy ended it now. You don’t want a man who can’t accept that a woman might burp, fart, or have snot hanging from her nose. So unless he ends up with a robot, I promise you won’t be the last girl to fart at the wrong time in his presence.
It’s also highly possible that the guy just lost interest in the relationship or never felt that strongly in the first place, and the dumping has nothing to do with this incident.
Either way, I’d move on. If a guy hasn’t called in a few weeks, it’s usually a sign things aren’t heading in the right direction.
Remember, you’re a human being who is normal. I always say when you can fart in front of your partner and you both can accept it, you know the relationship is real.
All the best,
Kelli
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Kelli Miller, MSW is a therapist, author, and radio personality. Miller was a featured expert for SIRIUS Satellite Radio Channel 198, the co-host for the TV show Love and Money: The Advice Show, and the advice columnist for Playboy U, and the author of Professor Kelli’s Guide to Finding a Husband. Ask Kelli is published on All Life is Local and the Cleveland Park Listserv on Wednesdays.
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